


Machine

by drcwning



Category: Halo (Video Games) & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Feels, Game: Halo 4, Grief/Mourning, Halo 4, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, Master Chief feels something, Survivor Guilt, Video & Computer Games, i don't know how to tag, no beta we die like spartans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:08:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25537087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drcwning/pseuds/drcwning
Summary: She said that to him once. About being a machine.
Relationships: Cortana/John-117 | Master Chief
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	Machine

Outer space was an eternal void that held chaos, technology, and everything in between. Opportunity laid beside destruction, stars surrounded by darkness. Planets desecrated with battleships and bodies never recovered, grass stained with the blood of men unnamed. Men and women with families somewhere in the vast expanse of the universe, praying for their safe return. They fought and died with snarling teeth in their faces, the beady eyes of otherworldly beings akin to the stare of death itself. They died with their hearts frozen solid with fear, knowing that the last thing they would see was the face of a monster. They died with the tendrils of despair coiled around their lungs.  


They  _ felt _ , and John could not. Even as he watched those men around him lie motionless in the dust, he could not feel anything more but the steady rhythm of his heart. The rhythm did not change. He blinked behind his visor, eyes dry for he could not weep, could not shed tears. Comrades grieved, and he simply moved on. The helmet revealed nothing; he could not smile, could not laugh nor cry.

He had lost friends and teammates alike. He would need a hundred hands to count the people he had lost on his fingers. Avery Johnson, to name one of many; though he felt deep regret for the passing of such a close ally, he had moved on rather quickly. There were just more important matters to attend to in that moment, and while he ran and fired and lived, those who could not do so slowly disappeared from his thought process.

He was mechanical. He thought like a computer, moved like a well-oiled machine, and fought like a battle tank. Beneath his suit of armor, he was no more than that—still a machine. But when John stared out of the window of Pelican 096, something stirred inside of him. Her words echoed in his head like a broken record, like a nightmare he could not escape from.

**_I’m not coming with you this time. . ._ **

When he had heard her voice, he was in immediate denial.

_ No. That’s not _ — _ we go together. _

Because that was what they had always done. They had always gone together.  
And when she had told him it was already done, he felt his chest grow tighter. Was it his suit? His measurements had not changed, and he was certain that he had not grown since he was fitted for his armor.

_ I am not leaving you here _ .

She was an AI. Nothing more than a hologram, but when she stood in front of him for the first time, he could see it all. Her hair, the blue skin of her fingers, her sapphire eyes. She was artificial, but when she spoke his name instead of his title, something about her looked too human. She touched the breastplate of his armor and he felt the slightest change of pressure when she pressed into him. At that moment, she was real.

For the first time, he pleaded. Begged.  
For the first time, he failed.

John had always protected her. He carried her in his head and in his suit, took her onto every ship. He had always taken care of her. She had watched him win every battle, fight through wars, but the last thing she saw was him failing. Saving a planet from destruction meant nothing if he could not save her.  


The ship was filled with soldiers and people alike, and somehow, he had never felt more alone. His thoughts were empty, mind a dull chasm of white noise. The words of the man next to him flew through one ear and out the other.  “I’ve lost people I care about but never anything like you’re going through.”

He responded like he always would have. “Our duty as soldiers is to protect humanity. Whatever the cost.”  
Lasky furrowed his brow. “You say that like soldiers and humanity are two different things. Soldiers aren’t machines—”

John turned to look at him.  
No, soldiers were not machines, but he was. And if she were here with him now, she would have said the same thing, just like she did a long time ago.  But he swore he felt something. His vision blurred, eyelids glistening.  
"She said that to me once. About being a machine.”

Beneath his helmet, for the first time, John cried. Silently.


End file.
